We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
this hospital has no fireball
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
