She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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