i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I party with great urgency now.
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