ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
