you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
