I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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