all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
