You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
