u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was confusing and full of hummus
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
