I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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