sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
