I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
