It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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