We named our party play list daddy issues
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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