Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
40s are totally the cure
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
