stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I need moral support for this bender
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
