She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
