and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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