Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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