The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
