Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
