Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
