I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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