exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
