My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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