if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
