I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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