I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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