LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
