she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
