clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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