I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
