Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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