I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
