I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
