At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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