i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
