When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
