some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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