im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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