The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
