found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
