College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
