someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
