Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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