The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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