I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
