I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
