how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just forgot I was standing up.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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