i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
