There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
