Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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