you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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