How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
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I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?