somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books