don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar