I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
