I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
