I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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