Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
