Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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