I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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