Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
