Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This is my life. Enjoy the view
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
